See the way he’s using his belt to control rather than strangle his partner? Surprised? Please don’t be! This is an excellent way to play D/S games with a belt.
Between cop shows and hard-core porn we’re sort of conditioned to believe “belt around the neck” equals “attempted strangulation.”
Don’t get me wrong here. If you know what you’re doing erotic choking can be awesome for the person being choked. But the top really does need to know what they’re doing and, more important, the top needs to be seriously in control of themselves.
But!
As with many other elements of sex, and kink, even BDSM kink, a huge amount of the benefit comes from a sense of gained or surrendered control.
I’m not going to say “don’t use a belt to choke your sweetie,” though I will say “be really fucking careful if you use a belt to choke your sweetie.” Instead I’m going to say “try control first.”
Ok, ok, I’ll also say “be sure to protect your/their neck” as well, because you only want people to feel the good kind of sore the next day.
This is about ethics and humiliation play, with a quick dad’splain about ethical exhibitionism.
Ok. So. If you’ve got an exhibitionist kink it’s still unethical to involve others without their consent. So while it’s super hot to think about, and really hot to be in semi-public situations where you could almost get caught, it’s a total dick move to expose either yourself or a partner where unsuspecting people might see you.
This is actually well understood in the kink community. And exhibitionism is its own kink.
Now let’s consider humilation play.
Not everyone’s into humiliation, anymore than everyone’s into exhibitionism (or any other kink!) But! For some people humilation play is hot as blazes!
I have to admit I didn’t really get it till a submissive friend explained it. And then melted into a yummy little horny mess when I tried it. (It wasn’t a hard limit for me but till I got the hang of it I probably needed more aftercare than she did!)
Anyway. Just as the risk (and possible shame, incidentally) of being seen is usually hot enough, the idea of humiliation and shame is usually hot enough too.
But as with exhibitionism, never involve third parties in your erotic humiliation play without their consent either.
Bondage isn’t always about discipline or sadism, is it? No, puppy, sometimes it’s about helping you hold still while a tall, older gentleman’s big, strong hands touch you… finally… everywhere you ache to be touched…
As an obligate top this is awesome in so many ways! First, because it’s how most D/S really looks. Second because there’s no belittling terms for the woman Dom like “domme” or “dominatrix.” Third because there’s no stereotypical hint of “sissy” or “forced feminization” of her Sub. And finally, because “what [a Dom] values most is that with that freedom, of all the things [they] can do, [a Sub] chooses to kneel before them” is the most pure statement of Submission ever.
Because dominance and submission are kinks, not genders this post makes me very happy.
Feel sorry for all the folks who think it’s “submissive” to go down on your girl. Yeah, and she’s sure being the boss of him, isn’t she, cheesepuff? Ahahahah!
