So if you donât think Submission is its own, independent, autonomous, and equal kink and is instead all about your masterly/mistressly domly self then try the following thought experiment: how long would they stay with you if you stopped topping them?
If theyâre only Submissive because youâre Dominant the correct answer will be âforever, of course, because Iâm so awesome theyâre magically magnetized to me!â If theyâre Submissive because Submission is its own craving though… its own kink…
Well…
The correct answer might be something else, hmm?
This is just one of the reasons why I capitalize the S in Submissive as well as the D in Dom.
No, he is being a good and loving Dom who recognizes that punishment should be proportional to the infraction, and who recognizes that how the two of you âdo D/sâ is your decision, not those bunch of people, who sound like idiots to me.Â
Wow. I have never had a munch experience like this where I was forced to answer some question, let alone being judged for that response. Hopefully you can find a different munch in your area, anon. Iâve been to several in my area, and zero of them has been like this.
Ahahah! What a total violation of munch protocol! Also D/S protocol! Â
Not to sound prickly but itâs roughly the equivalent of asking the Exhibitionists to go around and flash their asses. And then calling someone bad a bad Exhibitionist because they didnât want to.
âOh, but weâre only talking about erotic punishments so itâs ok.â No, youâre talking about group humiliation-play on all the Subs.
The âgoodâ news is that it sounds like the munch was for folks who share a very particular and narrow definition of âhigh protocolâ or somesuch nonsense. The bad news is that, like a lot of âcommunitiesâ they manage to alienate pretty much everyone who doesnât share that particularly narrow definition.
Thereâs a reason why the vast majority of kinksters donât get involved in the local âcommunity.â Itâs usually because itâs not really much of a community at all.
That said! Thereâs also nothing wrong with saying âwait a minute, is this really appropriate for a munch?â Even if youâre new. Itâs one of those âsee something, say somethingâ situations. Â
Fuck this. I wear sexy lingerie all the time for myself. Donât congratulate yourself just because sheâs wearing red lace. Sheâs simply that fucking sexy.
Big hatâs off to @willowgirl713â! One of the most important things I learned about women and fashion is that women wear what they wear for themselves! Just like I wear what I wear to please my self!
It really doesnât take any longer to choose a matching bra and panties than it does to pick out your favorite band t-shirt and a clean pair of jeans. And speaking of concert t-shirts, Iâm… pretty darn sure that a) you donât choose it at random before going out but also b) you almost certainly didnât decide to wear it for her either. Matching bras and panties can be like that – not chosen at random but not necessarily chosen for you either.
On the upside, no matter what your sweetieâs wearing thereâs at least a 50/50 chance that it wasnât you who decided the two of you were going to have sex. Funny how human libidos tend to work that way. Pretty wonderful too when you think about it.
not crazy at all having sex is like being part of a team, you should be striving towards the benefit of everyone involved
it takes two to tango, and if both of y’all ainât getting what they want then what the fucks the point?
Ok. Look. Doesnât matter how ding-dang-diddly Domly you are, if youâve got a dick… and a body for that matter… youâve got to give your sweetie a chance to get to know you like this.
As a near-obligate top this lesson was unbelievably hard to learn, by the way. But someone said âlet me do this, I need you to.â And so I did. But it turned out to be so worth it that I can honestly say I wasnât a good lover till I let her discover me.
Because we can get so tied up (haha) with our notions about CNC and domination and power exchanging and (for us D/Lg types)Â âDaddy knows best,â plus 10,000 gendered jokes itâs easy to forget that our partners actively want us too!
Maybe itâs because Iâm older, or perhaps because Iâm a man, when someone with B or C or sometimeseven D cup breasts say âhope theyâre not too smallâ I wonder how big they imagine breasts are âsupposedâ to be. And according to who?
And maybe itâs because Iâm a man but I wonder if itâs like men worrying their dicks are small, even when theyâre average or even bigger than average.
Itâs not that breasts or dicks are never small. Itâs that a) it rarely seems to matter as much to their partners as it does to them, and b) very often the person would look funny or even disproportionate if their bits were bigger.
Iâm asking because it seems like such a source of radically unnecessary suffering.
Something so awesome about saying âyou should be ashamed of yourself!â Because there are sooo many possible ways to say or interpret it, arenât there, little minx?
One of the nicest things about D/Lg is that itâs 100% natural and normal for a Little to take the initiative to cheer up or comfort their Daddy, in a way that might not seem appropriate in a more pure DD/Lg or D/S relationship.
Just like itâs 100% natural for a Daddy to try and cheer up a mopey Little!
Iâd just like to add that this is one of those places where itâs totally fucking wonderful that in age-play relationships everyoneâs an actual adult. Because adults are developmentally able to understand that itâs not their fault when a grownup is upset, angry, or sad. Â
Actual children have a very hard time with this… which is just one of the 118,000 reasons why adults and minors having romantic relationships, let alone sexual ones, is a bad idea and not just illegal, unethical, stupid, and wrong.
Good question! Sounds like youâre into things that might be kinkier than heâs comfortable with? And youâd like to do more with him… or more accurately youâd like him to do more with you, without coming on âtoo strong?â Just want to make sure. Please let me know if Iâve missed an important point, ok?
I canât speak for all guys but if it was me (hey, it has been me in the past!) then two things would work really well.
First, âslow and steady wins the race.â Let him try those nothing-out-of-the-ordinary things with you first. And see how he likes it. Vanilla people, men especially, can take a little time to digest what a lot of us already know. What youâre a living example of: Submission is its own kink, and that what you want him to do is almost by-definition is rough but not violent, domineering but not abusive.
And donât get me wrong – we want people to be reluctant about violence and abuse! And itâs actually a good thing to have a responsible Sub (you are going to be responsible) to help them learn how to distinguish them. (I say youâre going to be responsible because the last thing we want is him doing those things before he understands the difference.)
Second: Let him know that the idea of him doing those things with, to, and for you makes you wet and happy. Most men enjoy that idea rather a lot. Even more for someone they actually care about.
If youâre still really in the âjust started talkingâ part of a relationship and not âbring your toothbrush in your bagâ stage, itâs an even better time to talk to him about it. Being a Sub, even a hungry, horny one, doesnât mean youâre necessarily hop in the sack with him right away. So itâs ok to talk about not just boundaries and limits but wants and desires before you get around to doing them. Just be clear those are ideals you have in mind, not that itâs either an invitation or a laundry list for him.
Oh, one last thing: let him know about the difference between âtopping from the bottomâ and mentoring him. Be clear that your intention really is to Submit to him – and that at each point it will be his decision what he chooses to do based on your feedback. Â
That said (since this is advice for everybody and not just you) itâs still his choice! He might not want to be a Dom. He might not want to be much of a Dom. Or not one all the time. You have to be ok with that too – boundaries, limits, and consent go both ways.
Let me know what you think. Feel free to show him this post too. I want both of you to succeed and be happy with who you both are and not who either things they or the other is âsupposedâ to be.
