144 has told me we will not be alone when L is set free today. [L is the initial of submissive seeking’s given name and my pet name for her.]
Thank you for remembering and honoring her this way.
Thank you for picking up my slack and giving her the sunset she missed.
I sit here with her reluctant to do my duty. In truth, I am not ready to let her go. But then again, I’ve never been keen to see her go into the deep woods alone. My beautiful L is a free spirit and it would be repugnant to keep her sealed up in this urn. She would feel suffocated and trapped if I do not do as I promised.
L joked this is her way of making sure I leave the house and see that life goes on as the fire zone once again becomes a flourishing forest. She has ways of getting people out onto to the trails.
I do not want this day. But, I will do my duty because I must; honor and love demand it.
I take some comfort in knowing L will not be alone on the trail today. She will be with all of you.
Thank you,
Her husband, B
Dear sweet mother of pearl, what an awesome human being. The ancient Greeks said that contrary to our habits today is always a good day to be born and today is always a good day to die.
I try to remember this when someone passes away. With some it’s a lot harder than for others.
The Old Greeks, maybe just the Spartans, I dunno, believed there were only two kinds of immortality. Progeny, which is to live on in flesh and blood, and ideas and action, which is to live on in words and memory.
We can bitterly mourn the loss of flesh and blood while cherishing memory of our mentor’s words and deeds.
Where there’s life there’s always hope. But loss of life isn’t the loss of hope. When we see how hard someone fights to live, and lives graciously even as her fight was lost, it reminds us that there’s more ways to be on this big blue marble than nope and mope.
Thanks, L, for everything. I’m not crying, we’re crying.
Warning, rant ahead: @instructor144 recently had an anon ask about D/s and make snarky comments about being raised to see women as strong and independent, not weak.
I am a submissive woman. My response to the seemingly unending implications of my being weak because I’m submissive is FUCK YOU!
This is #me in the pic running another 100 miler. And yep, I biffed it at mile 60. A beautiful face plant. So I got the fuck up and ran to the next aid station at “No Hands Bridge.” See the little lump on my hip? That’s an ice pack on the massive contusion from a rock I managed to smack. Turned out I had a bone bruise and two cracked ribs. Did I whine and look for some man to rescue me, pull a damsel in distress? Nope. Got the fuck out of the aid station and ran the next 40 miles with ice shoved down my pants. (Side note – you find out who your real friends are when you need them to shove ice down your shorts after running 60 miles.) The shirt I’m wearing says “RUN LIKE A GIRL” I had just turned 49. (Hey, a girl’s gotta celebrate, right?)
I’m a lot of things, but weak ain’t one of them.
Answering the women who say I contribute to sexism, misogyny, and the degradation of women ….
1.) Equality and freedom means I get to choose for myself.
2.) “My body, my choice” doesn’t mean shit if you decry my choices.
4.) Stop policing other women. We get enough of that shit from religion, etc. Don’t be a fucking lowlife collaborator. I have your back for your choices. If you don’t have mine, at least have the decency to sit down and shut the fuck up.
5.) STOP BLAMING WOMEN FOR THE BAD BEHAVIORS OF MEN!!! You’re just providing aid and comfort to the “She was asking for it"crowd.
And here’s another piece of unsolicited advice:
Never underestimate the strength of a woman and never fuck with one that runs 100 miles in the mountains for fun!
And, yes, I feel much better having had this little rant.
That sound you just heard was a MIC DROP up in here, motherfuckers!! Some of the deepest submissives I’ve known have been have been the strongest, smartest, sharpest, most bad ass women I’ve known. Check your preconceptions and prejudices at the door, or else shut the fuck up and sit the fuck down.
Damn skippy 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
Even amazing people can’t live forever. But the lessons they teach us can. Pass this on: Who we are in bed has little relationship to who we are in life.
I love this post from @submissivefeminist! Whether you’re a sex blogger yourself or you just follow a lot of sex blogs it’s not a clickbait post – the questions are legit (we get asked those a lot) and each answer is thoughtful and well said. Good info about what to expect, and also really good info on boundaries between what’s ok to ask “I’m having a problem with” and not so great “I bet you’ve done a lot of [xyz].”
Really great post. Definitely worth reading twice.
By Thomas Oldenough | August 21, 2019 | Comments Off on I’m a gay male who just came across your blog, and oh boy have I came. Reading what you write, I get hot and flustered because the idea of being someone’s boy (even girl) is an absolute turn on. Lately, I’ve begun to capture my own femininity and understand its roots, in spite of working through the burdensome guilt and shame. Have others in their footsteps like me come/written to you before as well? Thanks.
Thank you for your kind words! I’ve never had a gay man send a serious ask but I’m glad you checked in. I haven’t mentioned it for maybe too long, but while I always use the shorthand D/Lg because I’m a hetero Daddy, there’s a whole universe of possibilities under the general heading of Cg/L (Caregiver/Little.) And that’s really important because being an adult Little is a kink, not an age or gender or sex or orientation.
Tumblr’s made it so much harder to search for kinks, but before the big stink last December it was pretty easy to find D/Lb (regular Daddies) and DD/Lb (Daddy Dom) blogs and posts. And M/Lg, M/Lb, and all the poly, trans, non-binary, and even asexual/non-sexual Cg/L.
I’m sorry I didn’t keep track back when track could be kept. I’d be happy to send you links. But since I was a bit of an entitled pooter I’m going to have to ask my followers if they know of any great blogs or other gay and pan Daddy or Lb bloggers. And while I usually don’t encourage it, in this case It’s ok for followers who have D/Lg and other Cg/L blogs to self-promote too. (Positive and supportive resources only though, please. It’s ok if you just reblog industrial porn but it’s not very helpful when someone’s trying to explore and discover newfound kinks.)
Thank you so much for asking. I was so, so happy when I discovered my own Daddy kink. Going to wish you lots and lots of luck exploring your Little kink too.
Comments Off on I’m a gay male who just came across your blog, and oh boy have I came. Reading what you write, I get hot and flustered because the idea of being someone’s boy (even girl) is an absolute turn on. Lately, I’ve begun to capture my own femininity and understand its roots, in spite of working through the burdensome guilt and shame. Have others in their footsteps like me come/written to you before as well? Thanks.
By Thomas Oldenough | August 2, 2019 | Comments Off on Do you unfollow people? Why or why not?
Good question. Yes, from time to time I do.
It’s rarely personal though. I sometimes unfollow very good bloggers because their theme has changed from mine, or because I can’t resist adding my own two cents in a reblog when really they’ve said it so well themselves that my two cents are only worth… well… two cents!
Other times it’s that my subject matter has changed. For instance early in I followed a lot of teachers crush blogs, thinking there might be an affinity to D/Lg. But while I learned a lot, most TC folks aren’t adults, and therefore too many new followers weren’t either, and once that soaked through my primitive walnut-sized brain I quickly unfollowed almost all of them.
Which leads to a third category of folks I unfollow, and block: bloggers who turn out to be underage even though they represent themselves as older. That’s not cool.
And finally I occasionally unfollow bloggers who turn out to be jerks or pooters.
Hope that helps answer your question. Thanks for asking.
A picture from the Victorian era of two parents with their dead daughter in the middle. Notice how sharp the image of the daughter is compared to the parents, it was impossible for the living to hold perfectly still long enough for the shutter to cycle.
Never, ever let your arrogance and ego lead you to believe you’d never be missed. That you wouldn’t leave a hole in people’s hearts and lives that can never be filled, not in days or weeks or decades and decades.
Joseph Stalin was a fucking asshole. He got the clauses in his famous “quip” exactly backward: “The death of a million is a statistic; the death of one person is a tragedy.” The death of every single human being is a tragedy to more people than you can imagine.
The 17-year-old boy in my neighborhood who was raised by his grandmother who took his life when he realized he might be gay nearly 50 years ago. The random body of a man under a blanket on the side of the highway, his fancy convertible upended further down the road maybe 30 years ago. The sweet friendless girl everyone picked on all through middle school who disappeared and was never lamented maybe 40 years ago. My brother who died by his own hand so many decades ago on April Fool’s day, when he was only 20. The brilliant and beloved son of friends who thumped his head pretty hard while jumping down some stairs after a run and died in his room a few hours later from an undetected hemorrhage – who as a 5th grader befriended my son on his first day of first grade and introduced him to other kids his age. The very much planned, wanted child who miscarried at 16 weeks a quarter-century ago. My father’s older brother who died at maybe 12 when my dad was 6 or 7 that he never forgot. Even though I hardly knew some of them, even though I didn’t even know all their names, they’ve still unfillable holes – gone but so, so not forgotten.
In the parenting book Blessings of a Skinned Knee, Wendy Mogel said “no one is special but everyone’s unique.” No one is special but every one of us is irreplaceable. Including you, pupsqueak.
When I was younger someone told me “every person has at least three people around them who’d gladly give their lives for them… they don’t even know two of them.”
You want to find meaning in your life? Want to know what your purpose is? Want to find your way out of disappointment and sorrow and existential despair?
Look for the other two who love you enough to give their lives for you. The ones you don’t even know exist. The ones you’d leave an unfillable hole in if you ever left the world.
You matter more than you could possibly know.
This message you share, that everyone matters… it’s so incredibly true. I see it every damn day with my job. Being a first responder, I remember every face of those I lose. Too many hands held, hugs given, and the words “I’m sorry for your loss” echo in my mind.
Pets are often confused as to what is happening to their person too. They run around strangers not understanding why you don’t get up or why you never come home. They can not be reasoned with or explained to. You just stop being.
You may have a mountain of reasons to quit your fight. Find that one to stay in the ring. Hold on to it.
Beautiful addition from @yourminxonly, who sees what life means to those left behind – not just people but animals – every single day.
For the (historical) record, on my old, original blog I spent a lot of time heaping scorn and verbal abuse on the huge array of “sociobiology,” it’s allegedly more fact-based bastard child “evolutionary psychology,” and the various trolls, MRAs and incels who devour it like flies on shit.
The basic thrust of all these “disciplines” builds down to, basically, explaining why creepers can’t get dates. Usually, the theory always goes, women are feckless gold diggers with strong preferences for racist bugaboos.
My counteragument was always that historically, in, you know, actual capital-P Patriarchy all “sexual selection” took place between… heads of households cutting deals with other heads of households using marriage of offspring and vassals as tokens of exchange.
The studies aggregated in the link above backs up my (fairly well-informed) intuition with academic vigor.
Clue: in 200 “hunter gatherer” societies the average age of marriage for men is roughly age 21. And berate age for “women” girls? 14!🤮
And one of the key determinants for the man’s “reproductive success? marriage selection? His affinity or utility to… the “bride’s” father.
Not a lot of room there for sociobiology’s fetishization of ovulation, semen consumption, preferences for “alph” males or scorn for “betas,” women’s oddity of coming from straight vanilla intercourse, etc.
Glad to see it all laid it more clearly than I ever felt I was able to.
Also fuck that shit. Give me a decent society where women can be CEOs, authors, and scientists instead of getting sidelined as self-cleaning cock sleeves. Update: because if nothing else that kind of society give me, and us, far more, and vastly hotter sex than 10,000 knee-squeezing “alpha male” wannabes and their generally pinched and transaction-oriented Patriarchal ideals could possibly imagine.
(Hint: you think women aren’t interested in stoop-chested MRAs, good luck imagining they’d do better sucking up to theirl fathers back I. The “good old days.” Because ahahahah, yeah, no.
By Thomas Oldenough | June 19, 2019 | Comments Off on this is the girl from the previous ask about being a dom in a lesbian relationship. thank you for all the info you shared. i mainly asked because i’ve been following dom/sub blogs for a while and i haven’t been able to find a blog dedicated to lesbian dom/sub relationships. i found your blog and you seemed knowledgeable about dom/sub stuff and in general very helpful so i came to you. thank you again and if there is anything else you would like to share i’m all ears lol. have a good one.
Thank you so much! I’m confident there are Lesbian D/S bloggers out there. There are certainly resources for and by Lesbian D/S kinksters going back to the 20th Century though they may not be online.
There are certainly plenty of articles and individual posts by and for Lesbian kinksters. And the first one I found with Google reminded me that I shouldn’t have been quite so blithe when I said D/S isn’t about gender. Because while that’s 100% true and I’m goddamn right about it… way too many resources out there still have their heads stuck in the 20th or even 19th Century.
A Lack of Relatable Content
The overwhelming majority of content that we found was very specific to a Cis Male Dom/Cis Female Submissive dynamic. This also meant there’s often a huge focus on the penis. Which is great, and go penis! But for us it wasn’t exactly helpful. So many protocols, rituals, and rules focus on different aspects of the penis. And again that is great. We have nothing against penis’s, but it doesn’t apply to us in a meaningful way. It also furthered this widespread stereotype that all Dominants have a penis which we all know is completely untrue. We are aware dildos exist, but we both really enjoy the parts we have to work with so we don’t often find they serve a huge purpose for us.
Love Elissa’s generosity about all the phallocentricity in mainstream D/S. I’m a lot less patient with it and I actually have a penis!
I also was a bit relieved that she came to a conclusion similar to mine (only with more authority because she’s, you know, a Lesbian who’s into 24/7 D/S.
One of the biggest takeaways I’ve gained on my journey through D/s is once you understand consent and negotiation you can start to carve your own path. And it will be better than trying to replicate exactly what someone else is doing.
Elissa’s post was the top hit when I searched Google with the keywords “lesbian BDSM D/s resources.” She’s got an ongoing blog on Blogger: D/SWithElissa. Even better since you contacted me via Tumblr, she’s also active on Tumblr: @dswithelissa! And she seems to be connected with a lot of other great D/S Tumblr bloggers! Gonna stop here and say go check out her blogs for other resources since she’s actually relevant and I’m almost completely not! You may also want to send her an ask with the questions you asked me. You’re bound to get much more usable, more specific answers.
Comments Off on this is the girl from the previous ask about being a dom in a lesbian relationship. thank you for all the info you shared. i mainly asked because i’ve been following dom/sub blogs for a while and i haven’t been able to find a blog dedicated to lesbian dom/sub relationships. i found your blog and you seemed knowledgeable about dom/sub stuff and in general very helpful so i came to you. thank you again and if there is anything else you would like to share i’m all ears lol. have a good one.
Gigantic, enormous tip of the hat to @bubblegumdomme, an unapologetic and adorably cute Dominant Little.
Just in case anyone asks if D/Lg is a “subset” of D/S the answer is still no, isn’t it?
D/Lg has some overlaps in theory, and it overlaps plenty in practice. But they’re still very different kinks.
Gonna just go out there and pity anyone who imagines that “Little” is a subset of “Submissive” because, ahahaha! I’ve mentioned that a lot of “bratty” Littles aren’t bratty at all, they’re unrecognized Doms. You’ll see… gonna call them “Daddy doormat” Subs too.
Just because it doesn’t look like the D/S you see in stroke books and porn sites like (dear god!) Kink.com that cater mainly to misogynist sex-tourists doesn’t mean it’s not D/S.
Rape play and incest play is all well and good. Age play is fun and harmless but those things are fun because of consent. Because all parties involved understand what they are doing and continue to do that by choice.
IN REAL LIFE
Children, sleeping or passed out women/men, drugged or excessively drunk people, CANNOT CONSENT. These people cannot understand what is happening due to a number of things. Coercion is not consent. Bribery is not consent. A five year old cannot consent. Please do not hurt anyone in the name of an orgasm, even if you think they’ll learn to like it.
Sexual contact (of any kind) for children is often damaging.
Please express your sexual desires with consenting adults.
Thank you for coming to my TED Talk
Think about why Littles like @littlebrattybabes or @victorianmaidn might bring this up. If you do that you might lose that reflex urge to say “this is so obvious” or “not all men…” or “well I’d never…”
Littles might get asks and PMs that make these sort of TED Talks seem like a pretty goddamn good idea to listen to and repost.
