By Thomas Oldenough | April 8, 2019 | Comments Off on >DDLG. …Why are you into father/5 year old daughter incest roleplay?
You’d have to ask someone who was into that.
But if I was into that I’d probably say it was because my adult partners and I were into it.
Into it the way adults can be into roleplaying other objectively silly but subjectively arousing themes like pirates, gangsters, movie stars, millionaires, grossly-stereotyped ethnicities, soldiers, nobility and “French maids,” doctors and “naughty” nurses, cable guys or pool boys and bored housewives, bosses and secretaries, virgins and rakes, strangers-in-a-bar, porn stars, “hookers and johns,” prisoners and guards, cops and criminals, vampires or werewolves, imprisoned princesses, unicorns or other furry animals, characters from 50 Shades of Grey, characters from Mad Men, characters from My Little Pony (hey, I’m not gonna judge), or clowns (still not judging), or husband and wife (when they’re not) or having an affair (when they’re monogamous together), and on and on and on.
Or you might ask vanilla people why they’re into roleplaying repressed Victorian-era missionaries. (Worth mentioning that before the Victorians it was Puritan doctrine that husbands and wives would be unfailingly lusty for each other, so practitioners can’t fall back on missionary sex being “normal” or “religious.”)
Review each item in a list of “naughty” Halloween costumes and ask yourself why that?!?!
The short answer to any of the above is that for many adults relationships are social as well as psychological or physical. And so adults find ways of bringing social tropes and metaphors into their interpersonal relationships. They also often seek out other adults who share not only compatible sets of body parts but compatible social metaphors. If you both happen to have strong social associations with Spongebob and Patrick, then you may enjoy bringing that dynamic into bed together. And no, as long as you and your partner were adults who were exercising affirmative, competent consent it would be silly to judge that either.
Speaking for myself I’m not into roleplaying being sexual as a father, or being sexual with a minor offspring. D/Lg kink ≠ incest kink. Instead it’s just fun and erotic to intentionally employ the social cliches and stereotypes of caregiving as an adult with an adult partner.
One gives a pacifier to an infant to… well… pacify them. One gives or receives a pacifier to an adult sexual partner to signify an ephemeral, consensual alteration of relative power. That’s… pretty different from incest.
By Thomas Oldenough | March 16, 2019 | Comments Off on As requested, an assessment of the Dollbreaker Tumblr blog
“Thoughts on the dollbreaker blog? I’m not trying to start drama or anything, I just spent a few minutes scrolling through and now I feel sick and really bad about myself. Guess i just want reassurance that not all older men think like that? I’m never goibg to fit the mold of lean and petite with perky breasts.” — Anonymous Ask
So years ago I was listening to a panel of child-development experts and television programming and the moderator mentioned that they couldn’t stand Barney the TV dinosaur. One of the panelists expertly dragged him, saying “they don’t make it for you.”
A few years later my infant son was sitting in my lap, sick with a cold, while we watched TeleTubbies. At some point they did… something or other… and my son laughed like an adult. Not the nervous or silly infant laugh babies often do around grownups, but a deep in the belly “heh heh heh” laugh of appreciation.
That’s when that original panelist’s remark sank in. TeleTubbies wasn’t for me. But it sure as hell was right on the money for an 18-month-old.
So that’s how I feel about dollbreaker. I’d never taken a close look till you mentioned it – I’d bump into their reposts from time to time but, no surprise, it’s not for me! After taking a close look I’ll say the author is very good at a particular kind of topping that, based on his engagement, seems to appeal to Subs with an equally particular humiliation/degradation/inadequacy kink.
I’m going to be hyper generous and say that whether accidentally or on purpose, their seemingly random posts of very young, very slender women deepens that sense of erotic inadequacy for their followers.
But looking at their follower engagement the author is ironically very accommodating. They either don’t receive or at least don’t reblog comments from the usual misogynist/red-pill/incel, legitimately anti-feminist you see elsewhere on Tumblr. And based on their occasional meta comments I don’t think the author supports that kind of bullshit in real life.
In other words I get the impression they clearly distinguish between their and their user’s kink vs actual real-world misogyny, gender degradation, and humiliation. And that’s very different from a lot of the legitimately misogynistic stun-porn xxxtreme “bondage” porn sites like Kink.com that cater to primarily vanilla-male-spectators consumers.
After reading 50 or 60 of their posts I get the strong impression that dollbreaker caters to women subs. I don’t like it. Like you it makes me feel queasy. I can see how it makes you feel bad about yourself. And if your kink isn’t based on those bad feelings about yourself then, yeah, I can see how it would make you feel sick too.
But here’s the deal about that: there are huge numbers of people out there, including other kinksters, who think the whole D/Lg kink and all its practitioners are equally sickening, patriarchal, regressive, etc. My assessment is that dollbreaker and their followers are in a similar position.
I’ll just echo what that panelist said so many years ago: dollbreaker doesn’t make it for us.
I’m so willing to be made wrong about this. But that’s my honest, admittedly generous assessment after a first serious look.
p.s. If my assessment is correct then I could do without the whole “sorry feminists” lines they occasionally toss in. It’s not because it’s “not for me,” it’s because it comes across as lazy signaling rather than creative topping.
You know, when I started this blog a little more than two years ago I was pretty confused, kind of lost, wondering what I was going to do now that I finally realized I was one of these Daddy things. I honestly thought there were only a handful of Littles in the world and had no idea if I’d be able to connect. So I just started blogging about things that interested me, and slowly found out that I was… mistaken.
Just because I hadn’t paid much attention to D/Lg or DD/Lg it turns out that, well, there are quite a few others who do!
The funny thing is I figured it would all be over once Tumblr pulled their apocalypse bullshit in Dec. 2018. I had a little more than 4,000 followers and figured that would be pretty much it.
But 5,000 followers? Goodness!
So thank you so much to all the actual human beings who’ve followed me over the years. There have been least as many bots and spammers and genuinely disturbing people that I’ve blocked, so, yeah, every one of you is a real human being.
You’ve taught me a lot. And you’ve kept me responsible! And listened when I really needed an ear. I honestly can’t thank you enough. But thank you just the same!
Depending on your age you’re going to get one of two very different responses coming from two totally different parts of my brain.
True fact: In 20-odd years of actively parenting I don’t think I ever once called my actual, live children or any of their friends “little boy” or “little girl.” I don’t even think it occurred to me! It’s just not something you’d do, any more than you’d call your neighbor “grown man” or a business client “grown woman.”
Meanwhile, if we’re D/Lg partners I’m very likely to call you Little girl. It’ll almost certainly happen at least once if we’re playing.
What do you suppose the difference is between a small child, who I’d never call “little girl” and a grown woman, who I’d call “Little girl” during kinky activities?
Right in one! If I call you “little girl” it’s precisely because you’re not a little girl!
If you don’t get that rather glaring difference you might mistake D/Lg for something worse. It’s not. D/Lg is a kinky practice between capable, consenting adults.
And if you’re a $@!^!^ pedophile who can’t get that obvious difference you might not understand why you get your festering ass called out and maybe the cops called everytime you try and pull “but I’m an ‘all ages Daddy’” bullshit on actual D/Lg kinksters. Because bullshit, you’re not “doing kink” you’re doing criminal endangerment of a child.
By Thomas Oldenough | September 25, 2018 | Comments Off on Hi there Love your blog! I was after some advice if I may? My Daddy is having a bad day at work and I want to do something for him when he gets home, we have small children so jumping him when he walks through the door isn’t exactly an option! Any ideas are welcome! Thank you!
Hmm. For me, when I had small children, what would have worked would be to have a “secret” storytime setup for him. House kind of squared away, recruit the kids to set up a place to put their Dad in the center of, and have them recruited to read a story.
The “secret” part might be you kneeling at his feet “playing along with” being one of the kids. It would be platonic rather than naughty, but for me it would have been lovely to get to be both their dad and your Daddy.
Comments Off on Hi there Love your blog! I was after some advice if I may? My Daddy is having a bad day at work and I want to do something for him when he gets home, we have small children so jumping him when he walks through the door isn’t exactly an option! Any ideas are welcome! Thank you!
Ugh! When you’re a grown man, with grown children, it’s bad enough to still be wearing dad clothes. (At least they’re not cargo shorts!) And you’re still getting erections in the middle of the day?
What on earth am I supposed to do with this thing, dressed like this?
By Thomas Oldenough | June 27, 2018 | Comments Off on From the Top perspective, can you explain what appeals to you about age play? Why do you like to play “older/more experienced”? I understand the appeal from a submissive perspective but wanted to hear about the perspective on that kink from a Top.
Fair questions!
One summer when I was a little kid, maybe 2nd grade, I got to go to the local Boys Club during the day. I learned how to play chess there and was pretty good, often defeating kids who were two and three grades ahead of me!
We had a chess set at home, and I was pretty excited about playing chess, so I taught my younger siblings how. They promptly whipped my ass every single time. I taught some of the other neighborhood kids. Who also beat my ass!
So. I wasn’t a bad chess player but I was a good teacher! Not terribly surprising I guess. I come from a long, long line of teachers. (My grandmother trained with Maria Montessori, another grandmother was a preschool teacher, various aunts, great aunts, and my dad were all teachers.) And child development specialists. (My grandfather was a pediatrician who wrote… counting… twelve parenting books, my grandmother, again, trained with Montessori, etc.)
I’m also an oldest child. And cousin. And often one of the older kids in my classes.
I also loved being a (mostly stay-at-home) parent more than life itself. It’s the only thing I’ve ever done that I never had to think twice about. (This doesn’t mean I never made mistakes – of course I did! But when I did I never dug in my heels and insisted I was right, if that makes sense. Instead I adjusted, made amends, and parented on.)
When I was a teenager I was rarely the wildest of the bunch. Instead I generally stayed a little more sober or less high or not high at all and as a result I was often the go-to person when someone was having a tough time.
So anyway, I’ve always loved learning stuff, I’ve always loved teaching stuff, I’ve alway felt good about taking care of others, I loved being an actual parent, and I was always usually the oldest child.
So as I said in one of my earliest posts I was always inclined to be a top. And for years I imagined I was a Dom. But I was never a very good one – wanting to teach just isn’t the same thing as wanting to be obeyed. And wanting to take care of isn’t the same thing as wanting to punish. (I love spanking, but not as punishment.)
Then, around the time my own children moved on to college I got introduced to D/Lg by a fabulous Little who had sense enough to introduce me to it slowly.
And it felt like coming home!
All the things I love to do and none of the things I don’t like to do? All rolled up into a single kink? Hell yeah I like it! I’m a Daddy not a Dom and I like it!
Speaking of things I love: one of the great things about being a parent was when my kids would come home knowing more than I did about something. (I’ve mentioned I love to learn!) One of my children is majoring in economics and math, the other in neuroscience. One of them can ski circles around me, the other can build a fire in the dark without matches. I’m not dumb, and I’m not weak, they’re just good!
And something else I loved was when one of my children would come up and say “Hey Dad, can we…?” A lot of the time I had to say no (no horses, no jumping off the roof to see if an umbrella works like a parachute) but a lot of the time I’d say yes. Because they were great ideas.
And so as a Daddy it doesn’t bother me at all when a Little knows more than I do about something, or can run circles around me. And as a Daddy I don’t feel threatened when a Little says “Hey Daddy, can we…” I’m sure there’s room for that in D/S but it just feels natural as breathing in D/Lg.
Something else I loved about being a Dad? Being there when my children were sad or tired or sick or hurt. Doing what I could to help. Listening and offering a shoulder to lean on or cry on. Not hovering and helicoptering but being there, regardless. That’s something else that’s nice about being a Daddy too. If you’re up for playing let’s play, and if you’re feeling crampy instead let’s get you back rubs and hot packs and we’ll snuggle.
And finally? There’s something that just lights me up in any sentence containing the word “Daddy.” And doing anything together than ends with the words “good girl.”
If you’ve been through my blog (looks like this will be my 5,201st post!) you’ll notice that I tend to be all over the map in terms of things I like to do with Little partners. And while I’m probably more drawn to adult-aged Littles than regressed Littles or Middles, as a father of actual grown children there are things I still enjoy (and sometimes miss) about every age from putting on pjs to bedtime stories to going to the zoo all the way up to college and career choices. And so I’m perfectly at home with Littles of just about any “age” or of course actual age. The only caveat? You do have to be old enough for me to be your father. All my actual children are adults. (You can’t be a Little if you’re still an actual child!)
All that? That’s why age play – having a Daddy kink – appeals to me.
Comments Off on From the Top perspective, can you explain what appeals to you about age play? Why do you like to play “older/more experienced”? I understand the appeal from a submissive perspective but wanted to hear about the perspective on that kink from a Top.
By Thomas Oldenough | May 27, 2018 | Comments Off on I really like that “Dad look”. What are the key pieces to the essential Daddy wardrobe? I’m thinking like Dad jeans, white sneakers, plaid button downs, etc. Please be our style guru!!
The problem is that it doesn’t matter what you wear if you’re a Dad. It turns into something a little goofy, a little frumpy, with hair that never combs quite right.
I get most of my clothes from Levi Strauss for pants and Eddie Bauer for shirts. (Because they’re the only place that consistently has large-tall shirts.) If you want to really rock the Dad look you can go for Carhartt jeans instead.
Same with Carhartt t-shirts (again, long/tall.) With pockets. In primary colors. (You may have to go to a construction-supply place for the real-deal colors and sizes.)
Only wear cargo shorts if you’re an actual Dad with small children (or small-regressed Littles) and only if you actually use all the pockets for wipes, band-aids, sunblock, sun hats, and snacks. Because otherwise eww.
Also, only wear your white sneakers to the gym… and pick one that’s open super early or super late because when else are you going to have time to work out? And FFS don’t wear fucking Crocks! (Or let your children/Littles wear them.) Keen sandals in red or green are good for summer wear. But if you’re a serious Dad you’ll spend a lot of time barefoot because no shoes in the house!
To be a cool Daddy think Smallville-era Clark Kent outfits and you’ll be good.
To be a fucking awesome, older Dad, think Peter Capaldi in Doctor Who.
Or you could just wear what I wear most of the time: Levi jeans, short or long sleeve button shirt, and… that’s it. Just those two things.
Comments Off on I really like that “Dad look”. What are the key pieces to the essential Daddy wardrobe? I’m thinking like Dad jeans, white sneakers, plaid button downs, etc. Please be our style guru!!
