While you might never know it from Tumblr posts, there are plenty of men who also like to be choked and spanked. But it would be weird if they had to go around saying “I’m still an independent man,” wouldn’t it?
In which case WTF jumping shitty on women who like it? WTF deciding it makes anyone else better than them?
Not to put too fine a point on it but have you ever been spanked or choked? Pretty much by definition it’s not for the weak.
Curious about what you use and how you came up with it???
Never forget that the universal safeword is “what the fuck, asshole!”
Seriously. If you want out of a scene and your partner doesn’t seem to be registering your distress, then even if you haven’t set a “proper” safe word, if you’re snapped out of your zone it’s 100% acceptable for you to snap them out of theirs.
Also note: in most circumstances a top is doing something wrong if they push their partner to a point they need to safeword. It’s not a good thing. It’s not a “win.”
By Thomas Oldenough | October 9, 2019 | Comments Off on Hey Cliff, I was wondering if you knew if using toothpaste internally is potentially harmful (anus or vagina). I’m seeing mixed reports online and I’m not about to ask my doctor about it in person, lol. If it is, would using it around these orifices be potentially dangerous?
You know, the real answer to this kind of thing is that nobody does research on this. It’s as unknown to science as the unmapped depths of the ocean. I can sort of guess and extrapolate from stuff like “well, it doesn’t damage your mouth” and “I couldn’t find any case reports of someone seriously injured by vaginal/anal toothpaste,” but guessing is all it is.
And if you ask a doctor–or a nurse more sensible than me, frankly–they’re going to tell you not to do it. The downside if you do it and get hurt and blame us is major, and the upside if you enjoy it is… not something healthcare can really set a value on.
So I don’t really know what to tell you. It’ll definitely hurt, but I’m assuming that’s a feature not a bug for you. Anecdotally I know of people who put toothpaste on their clitorises and nothing bad happened, but that’s just anecdotes and it’s not the same as internal tissue.
So…??? It’s honestly not a question I can answer.
DO NOT. PUT TOOTHPASTE. IN AN ORIFICE. OTHER THAN YOUR MOUTH.
It contains detergent, surfactants, grit, and foaming agents.
It WILL cause microabrasions to your mucous membranes and it WILL leave your orifices prone to infection.
Okay, I think you should listen to this person.
I’m always biased in favor of sexual weirdness and against excessive caution, but she has industry sources for this. So yeah. Don’t put toothpaste up in yourself. Sorry.
People put all sorts of very bad-for-you things in their various body parts. Most of them don’t do it twice.
Most of us have had some kind of experience with the more “active” ingredients in toothpaste, menthol shaving cream, or perfumes on sensitive membranes and discovered that they burn or sting way out of proportion to how they feel in our mouths. Peppermint, spearmint, cinnamon, or eucalyptus (menthol) oils in toothpaste as well as some of the lighter esters, aldehydes, and alcohols in perfumes and shaving cremes out suspiciously mild on genital tissue (including penises, scrotums, outer labia, and clitoris hoods) but continue to get more intense. And more intense. And ow-really-fucking-burns intense.
People who are into “figging” with fresh ginger and/or chiles do this for fun. The difference being that both ginger and capsaicin oils in chiles cause nerve endings to “light up” but don’t cause active tissue damage.
You want to put something “hot” on your naughty bits my advice would be
a) don’t b) use chiles or ginger
And AS ALWAY if you’re a top, or even just think you are, try a small amount on yourself first! It’s not just a matter of “sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander” (though it is that.) It’s that as a good, competent top you’ll appreciate what you do to your bottom a hell of a lot more if you understand what you’re subjecting them to. (And if you’re thinking hell no way I’d do that to myself then… don’t know what to tell ya, champ, for thinking it’s ok to do it to someone else.)
Comments Off on Hey Cliff, I was wondering if you knew if using toothpaste internally is potentially harmful (anus or vagina). I’m seeing mixed reports online and I’m not about to ask my doctor about it in person, lol. If it is, would using it around these orifices be potentially dangerous?
By Thomas Oldenough | October 8, 2019 | Comments Off on hey there, i was hoping you could lend some advice about bottoming. we’re both switches, but i really prefer to top; during the moment, however, i can seem to be really into it. truth is, my mind is wired the entire time and i’m overthinking, even though i come. we do long sessions of after-care, but emotions like inferiority etc. can stay for days. frequently bottoming leaves me emotionally sensitive afterwards but i don’t wanna take that enjoyment away from her; i want it perfect for her :((
If I can try to paraphrase it sounds like you’re up for bottoming for your switch-y partner, but instead of dropping into subspace you still keep that hyper-awareness that comes naturally to tops. Sounds like the kind of topping she likes leaves you feeling inferior and jumpy for days after, even though she tries to do good aftercare for you. And finally, you want her to enjoy herself too but it’s coming at your expense. Does all that sound about right?
I’m going to invite you to try on that you’re not really a switch. Not saying you aren’t, just asking you to consider what if you’re not.
If you were always a top, even when you let her play with you, you could keep the topping hierarchy in mind:
Sub’s needs
Dom’s needs
Dom’s wants
Sub’s wants
A good top “wants it perfect” for their partner. That’s you. A good top never loses control and stays vigilant to what’s going on instead of going into subspace and letting their partner be responsible. That sounds like you too!
I’m suggesting this in part because if you were (literally, in this case) “topping from the bottom” in the sense that you were indulging your partner by letting her perform specific tasks then many of her words and actions might tend to roll off her back rather than land hard on you.
You’re vigilant (not “overthinking”) so while you’re indulging her you could at least mentally be adding “good girl, look at you topping me” each time she tries something. Of course you don’t need to let her know.
The above would be a way for you to address her (occasional, right?) needs.
Now. Using our little thought experiement let’s look at your needs because “Dom’s needs” comes second on that list. It sounds like your partner may be topping you in ways that make her happy but leave you rattled. Does that sound right?
Turn it around and say “if I was topping her in ways I wanted that left her rattled for days, how would I change things up?” If she had real Dom tendencies she’s check in with you and make her own adjustments, really clarify your boundaries with you, and play inside those boundaries.
And if you were a real Dom (as I suspect) you’d probably not consider your own feelings, figuring you could adjust/accommodate to meet hers. (Though, really, Doms and Daddies have to have their own boundaries and limits as well, they’re usually unconscious since as the initiator you’re going to tend not to do things that push your boundaries.)
She may want to top you certain ways, but you need to be topped in ways that don’t leave you feeling let down and jumpy for days after. In the D/S stack your needs as the Dom comes higher than her wants.
Finally, you want to let her “top” you. Just not necessarily the way she wants to. In the D/S stack your wants come higher than hers. So…
Alright. All of the above was just a thought experiment. You may both really be switches. But looking at how things might go if you were an indulgent Dom you can see some steps you might take to protect yourself.
TBH it still sounds to me like you’re a top and she’s not, or she’s not a very good one. But even if that’s not the case, here’s a little tip:
The steps I outlined above are still pretty good things a switch or Sub can do to protect themselves and enjoy themselves as well with a less experienced or less responsible partner!
Best of luck to you and your partner. Feel free to share this with her and see what she thinks. I really do hope you can both to be able to enjoy yourselves no matter how you play. Let me know what you think.
Comments Off on hey there, i was hoping you could lend some advice about bottoming. we’re both switches, but i really prefer to top; during the moment, however, i can seem to be really into it. truth is, my mind is wired the entire time and i’m overthinking, even though i come. we do long sessions of after-care, but emotions like inferiority etc. can stay for days. frequently bottoming leaves me emotionally sensitive afterwards but i don’t wanna take that enjoyment away from her; i want it perfect for her :((
Look at how small that little bum of yours is, daddy can spank both your cheeks with just one hand
Ok. So soo many Littles and Subs have asked: “how can you get off on taking more responsibility during sex.” And I’ve always wondered “how could I not?” because I’m a Daddy, and a lower-case dom, and an all-around top and it’s… just… like that for me.
Well. Since I’m a top I’m equally baffled that someone would get off on someone maybe a foot taller than you taking you in hand, supporting you, bending you over and lifting your skirt and squeezing or spanking your upturned ass, opening your legs and touching you, pushing you to their knees or lifting your hips with my big strong hands because you’ve said you get off on being used “like a rag doll.”
But part of being a top is learning to listen, isn’t it? And part of being a partner is having trust and faith in you! And enjoying being together with you, doing the things we love best, and getting that we enjoy each of us giving what the other wants as much as we enjoy receiving what we want.
I don’t know why we like what we like. But I’m so glad we do. And if we can find each other and do them together? That can make the world go round, can’t it, leafhopper?
