As for older, experienced gentlemen who tie your shoes withoutonce looking up the short little skirt you specifically picked out to wear with no panties…
would love to be sitting in the lap of a guy twice my size while he has one arm firmly around me and the other languidly runs up my shirt as he murmurs in my ear about how im all hes been able to think about all day. and when i try to grind against his dick he forces me to be still and growls against my neck that he didnt say i was allowed to move, that i just need to sit pretty for him right there while he has his fill of me
In such a mood!
Honestly! I’m usually nearly demi-sexual, where I need to be interested in someone before I’m interested in being sexual with them. But… don’t know if it’s the weather (it’s fabulously windy and misty and warm here today) or what but…
But today? Today I’m uncharacteristically In A Mood to Do Things To someone rather than with someone in particular.
That happens to include sweetly but very firmly teasing and toying with someone till she’s a whimpering, needy, pathetic little mess…
…while we get to know each other well enough…
… to do something about it.
Ugh. So embarrassing!
Spanking and hair-pulling might be one of those things we could do about it, but not till we get to know each other better.
Rolling my big, strong fingers across your plump little clit might be another, though not till we get to know each other better.
Pressing you to your knees and pressing your face roughly against my soft denim jeans could be another one of those things, though not till we get to know each other better.
Kissing passionately is not one of those things – that’s a lovely thing to do while we’re getting to know each other better.
But, yeah, allowing you to grind your wet little pussy against my thigh or cock (yeah, it would be hard too because you think I wouldn’t be just as needy?) would have to wait though, wouldn’t it?
Firmly gripping your hips to keep you still would be fine while we got to know each other. In fact it might be required, mightn’t it?
Pushing you onto your back, pressing your legs high and wide with my big, strong hands under your knees and kissing and licking and generally feasting on your wet little pussy would be sooooo lovely, wouldn’t it? Though not till we got to know each other better.
And rolling you onto your hands and knees, grabbing your hips and lifting them high, and slowly entering you and warming you up before fucking you hard enough that my flat, fuzzy belly slapped hard against your pretty upturned ass again and again and again… well… we’d have to know each other pretty well before I could do that, hmm?
Feel like getting to know each other a little better?
There is so much more to sex and we want y’all to know that!!
Image from @hazel.mead in collaboration with @vagnetwork
Brilliant. Though for me, ASMR is not sexual, it’s intensely relaxing.
Even if you’ve got a penis and a vagina handy. It’s not that it’s not lovely (heh!) Just don’t overprivilege vs all the other things.
One of my most pleasurable discoveries ever: fucking as foreplay!
(And don’t even pretend this is a radical concept! Face it, men have been doing this in porn since at least the late 1980s, right? Fuck like bored aerobics instructors and then pulling out and dutifully wanking away while their co-worker stands by. Although, to be fair, that’s not really “fucking as foreplay,” it’s fucking as your day job.)
But point remains, penises are awesome. Vaginas are awesome. Putting them together in different ways can be awesome. And same with several hundred other equally sensual, erotic, vanilla or kinky, and orgasmic activities.
By Thomas Oldenough | June 27, 2019 | Comments Off on Hi! I wanted to ask, since you like making a girl cum, would you be down to deny her orgasms if that was what she would be interested in? Making her happy is obviously a priority and that kind of answers the question, but I wanted to know your thoughts on denial and how it would feel in comparison to making her cum.
I am absolutely, without a doubt, 100% all for tease and denial and edging. One of My favorite things…
This is an odd one for me. I haven’t been able to come more than maybe five times in a day since my mid-twenties. By my 30s three times in 24 hours left me feeling a little stringy. And now that I’m much older once or maybe twice a day is plenty. Since I adore sex and sex play I’ve always thoroughly enjoyed edging and teasing, and as an older man that just means I get to enjoy a lot more of it.
Which makes me a bit of a hypocrite when I say while I also love teasing and edging a partner it’s only so her eventual orgasm can be more intense… but I get exactly no, zero, none pleasure from the idea of her simply not coming at all.
So teasing and edging, yes, denying? Nope.
It’s like leaving a birthday party before they serve the cake. Like watching fireworks but going home before the grand finale. Like reading a whodunnit but never reading the big reveal in the last chapter.
Well. Or it’s like spending an hour, a morning, an afternoon, or all day winding a partner into a delirious, gurgly, squirmy, needy mess and… not helping her come!
I mean… it’s fine if you don’t know how to make a birthday cake, or you’re too cheap to buy fireworks, or if you’re not curious about whodunit, or… if you don’t actually know how to give a partner an orgasm.
There are plenty of folks in the latter camp, I guess. Like, oh, say, the entirety of Western (and eastern, and northern, and southern) Civilization for all but maybe the most recent 50 of the last 3500 years…
But the same folks also used to poop in holes in the back yard, thought public executions were grand entertainment, didn’t understand communicable diseases, and had an average life expectancy of around 35 years.
I’m not excited to do any of those things either.
Nothing wrong with enjoying orgasm denial. It would be reasonable to accuse me of putting them off myself! But I like it… really like it… a lot!… when my partners come.
So fite me if you must, puddlejumper, but Daddy’s always gonna want to hear you sing!
I hate edging. Honestly, that’s not how my body works. Edging is like a great way to make it so I can’t cum at all. I lose the orgasm.
Reminds me of an ex of mine who would try to edge me. I would never get off. I never found it sexy, I always found edging to be a manipulative, shitty thing. What a selfish piece of shit. I would get so irritated when he would try it out.
I want as many orgasms as I’m going to have. If you wont give me one, I’ll make myself cum. I don’t find edging sexy.
Making your partner orgasm is a beautiful and sexy thing. I prefer forced orgasm play. I love riding a guy and knowing that I made him cum and continuing to ride him til he goes soft. If you’re gonna its gonna be intense. I’d rather see how many times I can cum until my body can’t take any more and I might pass out. That’s plenty intense and each O is even more powerful.
Edging can go fuck itself.
Please note this important update from @badbitchvelma about edging!
The big takeaway, as always, is have sex with the person you’re with, not the one you were with last time or the one you wish you were with. Did edging work spectacularly for your last partner? Great. Have you always fantasized about sticking your thumb in your partner’s ass when they come totally float your boat? Nice fantasy! Do you love how slam-bam porn-star-spit blowjobs look in… well… porn? Fine! Long as you know those things don’t work at all for most people. And therefore chances are good they’re not going to work for your partner either.
For instance, my second partner and I enjoyed teasing and edging. The longer she held off the harder her orgasms. Awesome, right? Well, yes it certainly was… but my first partner could lose her edge from a misplaced drop of sweat and it would throw her into an angry ball of despair for the rest of the weekend. They were both perfectly normal people, and sex with both was great, but they were completely different perfectly normal people.
So, again, have sex with your actual partner and nobody else.
Bit of clarification, by the way. Usually when I say “edging” I mean “building up to a really good orgasm.” And in technical terms, “extending the arousal and plateau phases for the optimal amount of time to ensure a good orgasm.” This doesn’t seem to be everyone else’s definition, but I highly recommend it.
The other common definition seems to be “going right to the edge of orgasm and then stopping,” which for some can be delicious brinksmanship and for others is more aggravating and frustrating than an interrupted sneeze. And a bigger buzzkill.
Yes, there are plenty of Submissive (and vanilla!) Tumblr bloggers who absolutely adore orgasm denial for days or even months, and quite a few who wax rhapsodic about their desire for “ruined” orgasms. They make it sound sooo hot, but that’s because it actually is hot… for them!
But in real life fewer than 1 in 50 people enjoy any of that. So, again, chances are a rounding error away from zero that your new partner will enjoy it either.
Just gonna say that fucking around and backing off when someone’s about to go off, a.k.a. “ruined” orgasms that actually ruins their orgasms? Well, ok, everybody makes mistakes when they’re with a new partner. But you better apologize, and you better be damned sure you have clear, enthusiastic consent before you ruin their orgasm twice.
Comments Off on Hi! I wanted to ask, since you like making a girl cum, would you be down to deny her orgasms if that was what she would be interested in? Making her happy is obviously a priority and that kind of answers the question, but I wanted to know your thoughts on denial and how it would feel in comparison to making her cum.
By Thomas Oldenough | June 23, 2019 | Comments Off on Ways for shy subs to initiate sex? Initiating is a department I am seriously lacking in and I seriously need tips I want to improve.
Awesome question for a couple of excellent reasons!!!!
Initiating can be hard for a lot of Subs. It just doesn’t feel like a very submissive thing to do. It can be even harder if the Dom is the sort who agrees it’s their job to initiate.
It can be especially tough when a Sub has a higher (real, imagined, temporary, or permanent) libido than their Dom.
It can be even more of a problem when the Sub is a woman and the Dom is a man, because we’ve got waaayyyyy too many dominant social myths and narratives about men wanting sex more than women.
Because of 1-3, above, it can be an even bigger issue when the Sub is a man and the Dom is a woman.
And if the Sub is a woman there are all those social “slut shaming” narratives to contend with – kinksters are rarely more than partly insulated from dominant social narratives.
The “good” news is this isn’t just a problem for BDSM or other kink relationships. It’s practically a running joke in vanilla culture no matter who’s initiating.
But enough about the why and on to the what. What are some things a Sub can do to… if not outright initiate then at least indicate that they’d like to have sex.
Wait! One thing not to do first! Being bratty or sassy is fine if that’s part of your D/S or D/Lg play dynamic. (Sassing a Dom, Daddy, or other kind of top can be a great way to get something started.) But don’t be an asshole in hopes of turning things into makeup sex, ok? One of my tags is “be a Dom, not a dick.” That applies to Subs too.
As I used to do back in the day I like to go find good sources and see what they recommend. For instance, here’s what lunaKM from SubmissiveGuide suggests
I’m throwing this out there for others to comment on because I am the WORST when it comes to this! I want sex a lot (like every day, sometimes more), but asking for it? I’d much rather they read my mind, thank you very much! (Then they don’t, and I feel neglected, then I write a post on how to not feel neglected when your partner can’t read your mind.)
Seriously, short of rubbing my foot on their leg and saying “Whatcha doin’…” in a sing-song voice, I find it hard to voice desire. I’ve learned to because it’s that or be disappointed, but it remains difficult. Followers, any advice you can offer?
Initiating play and being spontaneous in the bedroom is not a Dominant thing. It’s a couples thing. Both people can do it. When you flirt and tease your partner it’s because you are sexually attracted to them and want to have fun, treat it as searching for mutual pleasure.
Try to put yourself in his place. Your partner never initiate play or sex, they may show some slight interest, but your partner always waits for you to initiate. Do you start feeling like they aren’t that into you? Do you start questioning your sexual attraction to them? Do you stop initiating yourself? It’s a downward slope.
Being submissive does not mean you can’t initiate. It’s quite alluring when the submissive flirts and teases the Dom for play or sex. I don’t think you’d disagree that it’s hot to know that your partner wants you and has just come up and whispered in your ear that they want to do naughty things to do in the bedroom. – How to Initiate Play and Sex While Remaining Submissive
LunaKM also makes the point that asking your Dom to tell you what to do is “direct” but they’ll still be telling you what they want you to do!
And I love their point that seduction and initiating is a relationship thing, not a Dom or Submissive thing.
There’s a mixed discussion of the issue, plus a few good suggestions, on the very old, very old-school, “Taken In Hand” forum. Always interesting to see how socially-conservative, often anti-feminist, “submissives” historically approached these things.
Summarizing some of the suggestions that work for me (though keep in mind that I’m a Daddy not a Dom.)
hop in my lap and say “Daddy, I need attention.”
wear something almost innocently revealing – maybe a long t-shirt with no pants
if you have a leash and collar, bring it to me in your teeth (for pet play and Littles) or stand or kneel holding them out to me with your head down (Sub or Slave)
kneel at my feet and look me in the eyes
do something playfully/harmlessly bratty or sassy to get a playful/harmless “punishment.”
ask me a question that draws my attention to sex. For instance “do you remember that time you…”
put your hand (or face!) in my lap, drape yourself over my back, start kissing my head and face, hold my hand and put it in your lap, against your cheek, on your breast or ass. Then wait for me to say “do you need something, kittycat?” Then nod demurely.
Or, getting back to lunaKM and even some of the Taken In Hand commenters, is it really that bad to be direct? I mean, you can be submissively direct and say “can I serve you?” or “I really need a…” whatever it is you really need.
Speaking as a top, obviously, and as a soft Daddy and not a hard Dom or “Daddy Dom” I have to agree that there’s a huge fucking difference between initiating sex and taking control. If a top doesn’t get this then they’re missing as much as half the fun.
And also, top or not, it’s really fucking hot knowing you’re wanted!
Speaking of Subs initiating, I stumbled across a whole post about it!
By Thomas Oldenough | June 23, 2019 | Comments Off on So about orgasm denial…
I dunno. It’s a funny kink.
Like… I’d never invite you over and refuse to give you anything to eat or drink. I’d never ask you to spend the night but not let you sleep. (Well… you know what I mean.) I’d never invite you to bring your croquet mallet over but not let you play.
So…
It’s fine if you say “no thanks, I just like to be teased.” But I’m always going to say “Are you sure there’s not something I can get you?”
