By Thomas Oldenough | November 24, 2019 | Comments Off on So I was at a munch with my dom and they asked the subs to go around and say what our most recent punishment my Daddy said I didn’t have to but I did I got lines for forgetting to drink my whole water bottle three times it’s a rule I’m very new to submission so Daddy wasn’t even mad They told me I’m bad for doing that and they were shocked I only got limes and how I deserve worse Am I really bad Daddy stopped them and took me home and we’re not going back but is he just being nice
No, he is being a good and loving Dom who recognizes that punishment should be proportional to the infraction, and who recognizes that how the two of you “do D/s” is your decision, not those bunch of people, who sound like idiots to me.
Wow. I have never had a munch experience like this where I was forced to answer some question, let alone being judged for that response. Hopefully you can find a different munch in your area, anon. I’ve been to several in my area, and zero of them has been like this.
Ahahah! What a total violation of munch protocol! Also D/S protocol!
Not to sound prickly but it’s roughly the equivalent of asking the Exhibitionists to go around and flash their asses. And then calling someone bad a bad Exhibitionist because they didn’t want to.
“Oh, but we’re only talking about erotic punishments so it’s ok.” No, you’re talking about group humiliation-play on all the Subs.
The “good” news is that it sounds like the munch was for folks who share a very particular and narrow definition of “high protocol” or somesuch nonsense. The bad news is that, like a lot of “communities” they manage to alienate pretty much everyone who doesn’t share that particularly narrow definition.
There’s a reason why the vast majority of kinksters don’t get involved in the local “community.” It’s usually because it’s not really much of a community at all.
That said! There’s also nothing wrong with saying “wait a minute, is this really appropriate for a munch?” Even if you’re new. It’s one of those “see something, say something” situations.
Comments Off on So I was at a munch with my dom and they asked the subs to go around and say what our most recent punishment my Daddy said I didn’t have to but I did I got lines for forgetting to drink my whole water bottle three times it’s a rule I’m very new to submission so Daddy wasn’t even mad They told me I’m bad for doing that and they were shocked I only got limes and how I deserve worse Am I really bad Daddy stopped them and took me home and we’re not going back but is he just being nice
By Thomas Oldenough | November 23, 2019 | Comments Off on all the guys ive been with have been so greedy so i have never actually gotten to sit down in front of a dick and actually explore it the way I want to, its always dictated by them like do this and do that amd facefucking and sometimes i didnt even want to. i just want to be with a nice guy and i want to feel a desire for his body and get to touch him and taste him because i want to, the way i want to, not unwillingly be dictated by him. is that crazy?
not crazy at all having sex is like being part of a team, you should be striving towards the benefit of everyone involved
it takes two to tango, and if both of y’all ain’t getting what they want then what the fucks the point?
Ok. Look. Doesn’t matter how ding-dang-diddly Domly you are, if you’ve got a dick… and a body for that matter… you’ve got to give your sweetie a chance to get to know you like this.
As a near-obligate top this lesson was unbelievably hard to learn, by the way. But someone said “let me do this, I need you to.” And so I did. But it turned out to be so worth it that I can honestly say I wasn’t a good lover till I let her discover me.
Because we can get so tied up (haha) with our notions about CNC and domination and power exchanging and (for us D/Lg types) “Daddy knows best,” plus 10,000 gendered jokes it’s easy to forget that our partners actively want us too!
Comments Off on all the guys ive been with have been so greedy so i have never actually gotten to sit down in front of a dick and actually explore it the way I want to, its always dictated by them like do this and do that amd facefucking and sometimes i didnt even want to. i just want to be with a nice guy and i want to feel a desire for his body and get to touch him and taste him because i want to, the way i want to, not unwillingly be dictated by him. is that crazy?
By Thomas Oldenough | November 11, 2019 | Comments Off on thanks for being a positive role model to the men on this site who don’t know how to properly dom and instead say uncomfortable and scary things to us subs
Thanks for your kind words. I say what I do to remind myself, too, not just others. Because I haven’t always been a good role model. So thank you!
Seriously. On an old blog my tag line was “learning from my mistakes so you won’t have to.” It’s still true. I’ve surely made enough of them.
It’s human to learn from your own mistakes. It’s civilized to learn from the mistakes of others. Be civilized.
Comments Off on thanks for being a positive role model to the men on this site who don’t know how to properly dom and instead say uncomfortable and scary things to us subs
i want men to be able to emotionally connect with people they don’t plan on having sex with. i want men to stop assuming i am planning on having sex with them because i make an effort to engage with them emotionally. i want men to stop feeling personally betrayed by the fact that i engage deeply & genuinely with people regardless of whether i desire them sexually, because i value people & seek to understand & connect with them regardless of sexual attraction
Would I like to have sex with you? I might! For that matter would you like to have sex with me? Perhaps! Does that have anything to do with whether I’d take steps in that direction?
If you’re not surprised when I say “probably not” it’s because we both understand how improbable it is that we’d both want to enough to overcome all the practicalities that stand in the way of either of us saying yes. And finding time. And not being at least somewhat entangled in other relationships, other interests, other obligations.
And so chances are neither of us would act. Or do more than briefly consider it.
So. Little story.
A friend of a friend (real, someone I met though never said much to) used to stand on a corner in Manhattan and quietly murmur “want to fuck” to every woman who walked by.
Every few days someone said yes.
His success rate was somewhat better than the average singles nightclub “players.”
The point being that lots of women want to fuck. The idea of “sexual scarcity” is more in your head than any kind of fact of life.
And once that realization percolates then the corollary comes through too: everything isn’t just about trying to get laid. Every interaction with a woman doesn’t have to be about getting laid.
And once that notion settles in it’s genuine cool how many awesome, entirely collegial, even affectionate relationships you can have with women.
Note: it’s not like you wouldn’t still check out her butt if she’s cute. Any more than she wouldn’t check out yours.
But the awesome thing about women you’re truly just friends with is… you never become each other’s exes either. And sometimes you even become each other’s confidant, wingman, and lifelong friend.
Sex is surprisingly easy. Friendship is hard. Make friends.
Ok. So. About sending those unsolicited dick pics…
It’s kind of like picking your nose and eating it.
Just saying. You know you don’t make a big deal out of it but kind of sidle off when someone eats their boogers? And how you don’t say anything but you kind of check them off your list?
It’s kind of the same thing with dick pics. You’ll get a reaction but it’ll be the “not say anything but check you off their list” reaction.
You probably don’t want that.
The difference is that if someone actually likes you and gets to know you they still won’t want to see you eat your boogers. But! Once they really get to know you they’re surprisingly likely to want to see your dick. And do more than look!
See the way he’s using his belt to control rather than strangle his partner? Surprised? Please don’t be! This is an excellent way to play D/S games with a belt.
Between cop shows and hard-core porn we’re sort of conditioned to believe “belt around the neck” equals “attempted strangulation.”
Don’t get me wrong here. If you know what you’re doing erotic choking can be awesome for the person being choked. But the top really does need to know what they’re doing and, more important, the top needs to be seriously in control of themselves.
But!
As with many other elements of sex, and kink, even BDSM kink, a huge amount of the benefit comes from a sense of gained or surrendered control.
I’m not going to say “don’t use a belt to choke your sweetie,” though I will say “be really fucking careful if you use a belt to choke your sweetie.” Instead I’m going to say “try control first.”
Ok, ok, I’ll also say “be sure to protect your/their neck” as well, because you only want people to feel the good kind of sore the next day.
This is about ethics and humiliation play, with a quick dad’splain about ethical exhibitionism.
Ok. So. If you’ve got an exhibitionist kink it’s still unethical to involve others without their consent. So while it’s super hot to think about, and really hot to be in semi-public situations where you could almost get caught, it’s a total dick move to expose either yourself or a partner where unsuspecting people might see you.
This is actually well understood in the kink community. And exhibitionism is its own kink.
Now let’s consider humilation play.
Not everyone’s into humiliation, anymore than everyone’s into exhibitionism (or any other kink!) But! For some people humilation play is hot as blazes!
I have to admit I didn’t really get it till a submissive friend explained it. And then melted into a yummy little horny mess when I tried it. (It wasn’t a hard limit for me but till I got the hang of it I probably needed more aftercare than she did!)
Anyway. Just as the risk (and possible shame, incidentally) of being seen is usually hot enough, the idea of humiliation and shame is usually hot enough too.
But as with exhibitionism, never involve third parties in your erotic humiliation play without their consent either.
girls are still shaming other girls for masturbating…. like grow up and buy a fucking vibrator sarah it’s almost 2018
OMFG! Please!
There used to be this cool progressive sex-ed-for-adult-women website called, I think “The Cherry?” Anyway, I’ll never forget a video roundtable with the major contributors where they talked about all the pressure and stigma they felt about masturbating.
One of the real eye-openers was one who said “growing up we told each other ‘yeah, that’s something only guys need to do,’ girls are ‘better’ than that.” And then she shook her head.
I mean. Don’t shame girls for anything that isn’t literally shameful. But especially not for masturbating!
(And as for boys shaming girls for masturbating, what the actual fuck?!?!?)
