By Thomas Oldenough | September 7, 2019 | Comments Off on I’m relatively young (23) woman and have been interested in dom/sub stuff since blindly coming across rough sex in porn and finding something alluring about it. In my adult life I have had experience with a couple Doms, and I just wasn’t satisfied by them. I didn’t want commands or advanced masochism or feeling like I was just one in a collection. Likewise, Little Space and anything else related to a sexual relationship with women who acted like children was very unnerving to me. And then (1/2)
“(2/2) And then I came across your blog. Paraphrasing your eloquent response to the ask before, I didn’t know that people like you actually existed: dominant daddy that’s not a Dom, wanting someone like me; a submissive little that’s not a Sub. I didn’t know that that’s what I wanted. And it took a lot more research to figure out how that differed from the things I’d explored unsatisfactorily. Anyway. Thank you for existing. Now I just have to find someone like you in real life…“
First of all thanks for your kind words! And thanks for letting me know! Figuring out what you really want instead of trying to stuff yourself into other people’s stereotypes and labels is the first step to finding good partners.
Finding good partners these days can be a little brutal even if you’re vanilla. Any time you add a condition “must like to ski,” “must be vegetarian or vegan,” “must be a non-Dom D/Lg Daddy” you’re limiting the options even further.
On another discussion forum someone mentioned that as soon as she says anything about being Submissive, or even casually says “I like when my partner takes control” she gets flooded with guys who just want to slap her around and fuck her ass. These men are… not Doms or Sadists, are they? Nah, they’re just vanilla assholes who want to rough up their partners without taking any responsibility.
One of the problems with D/Lg, as evidenced by my recent obsessive correspondent, is that it’s pretty poorly understood. Even in the kink community the stereotype is that all D/Lg is a subset of D/S.
That’s not a completely unfair assumption – DD/Lg really can be a particular way of doing D/S! But really they overlap rather than coincide.
I honestly can’t offer any helpful advice for finding a good D/Lg Daddy. Because there aren’t a lot of us you might need to “grow your own” the way my awesome and experienced Little partner slowly introduced me to being a Daddy.
A key phrase that I might respond to in a personal ad would be something like saying that you’re an independent adult and perfectly capable of providing for yourself but you’re looking for someone who can make it feel like you’ve “come home to Daddy” when you want to unwind after a busy day kicking the world’s butt.
I really don’t know if that’s going to help. Best of luck though. Thanks again for asking.
Comments Off on I’m relatively young (23) woman and have been interested in dom/sub stuff since blindly coming across rough sex in porn and finding something alluring about it. In my adult life I have had experience with a couple Doms, and I just wasn’t satisfied by them. I didn’t want commands or advanced masochism or feeling like I was just one in a collection. Likewise, Little Space and anything else related to a sexual relationship with women who acted like children was very unnerving to me. And then (1/2)
D/Lg isn’t all about bedtime spankings or “yes Daddy” or cute projects or cock nursing and cuddlefucking.
A lot of it is gladly dragging yourself out of bed in the morning to make coffee for you and your sleepy, grumpy Little… who may or may not be clinging to you like a needy koala bear the entire time.
Which happens to be another one of the best feelings in the world.
One of the genuinely awesome things about kink is you get to be 100% 3-dimensional human beings with not just sex lives or kink roles but romantic lives, work lives, family lives, fantasy lives, social lives, political lives…
And one of the genuinely awesome things about being real human beings is that we get to express ourselves in more than one way.
Your goals, my goals, our goals!
Think we can’t have both sunshine and daisies and leashes and collars? Oh bookmark we can have both, can’t we?
-you ignore your sub unless they are in some way sexually pleasing you
-you call yourself daddy while introducing yourself to a possible sub
-you assume that a ddlg/ddlb relationship is purely sexual
-you give out punishments for no reason other than for your own pleasure
-you make your sub feel bad for being in little space
For those that are baffled by this concept, try remembering that kind relationships are still relationships. And therefore all relationship rules apply. And therefore all non-kink relationship rules apply.
So!
Try this out: someone is not a real boyfriend or girlfriend or husband or wife if…
You ignore your partner unless they are in some way sexually pleasing you
You call yourself their husband/wife while introducing yourself
You assume that all relationships are purely sexual
You make demands for no reason other than for your own pleasure
You make your partner feel bad for being into their own things
Wow, right? Someone who did all those things would be a really shitty boyfriend wouldn’t they?!??! Or girlfriend. In fact, “boyfriend” wouldn’t even be accurate because you really wouldn’t even be friends, period!
Now. Add kink rules on top of those rules and suddenly @probl3maticprincess‘s rules make total, perfect, 100% sense, don’t they?
Nothing wrong with sex-only bag-over-your-heads hookups if that’s all either of you want, and the same for kink-only hookups too. It’s BDSM, sure, and that’s totally fine! But just like you wouldn’t call it a relationship if you were vanilla, don’t call yourself a real Dom or Daddy if you don’t also do real Dom and Daddy things.
By Thomas Oldenough | August 14, 2019 | Comments Off on Do you think it’s possible to become too dependent on stuffies? I slept without one of my favorites last night and I barely slept. Is it okay that I need my stuffed animals to sleep?
I’m the caretaker for my children’s stuffies, now that theyre grown. They may have outgrown them and moved on to college and life. But I couldn’t sleep if I lost either of them.
Yes, you can be too dependent on anything. But sometimes even gruff old Daddies love their stuffies too.
You asked a very serious question though. Serious because you asked it. You’re concerned about how you feel about your favorite. And about being so attached you had a hard time sleeping.
My answer would be what do your stuffies mean for you? Do you worry because you’re embarrassed and maybe you’ve internalized some mockery or shaming? Maybe believing stereotypes about adults who can’t or won’t “grow up?”
If so then hug those stuffies and let go of being shamed by the mostly-imaginary opinions of others.
If instead you worry that maybe you’ve displaced some inner hurt, or trauma, or feeling of emptiness or enem irresponsibility… Or if you’re feeling compulsive and don’t want to be. Then it’s ok to still love your stuffies but also to talk to someone who can help.
Cause stuffies are brave and loyal, aren’t they? But they’re also small and can’t always handle everything you put on them. If you do talk to someone you might find your stuffies can be companions again and not crutches or bandages.
Only you can know the answer. Thank you for asking an important question. I know others might feel the same as you. Best of luck, ok?
Comments Off on Do you think it’s possible to become too dependent on stuffies? I slept without one of my favorites last night and I barely slept. Is it okay that I need my stuffed animals to sleep?
The fun thing about D/Lg or pet play vs regular sex is getting to take perfectly ordinary situations and add…
“Want to play feeding time for baby goats at the petting zoo, kittywampus?”
😈
Note: I don’t think the algorithms balk at drawings? Anyone know? I do like posting actual sexual situations but don’t at all want to end up getting filtered.
Ahahaha! One of my favorite things about being a soft D/Lg Daddy is that you can pervert me too, kittycat!
Just about every one of the wonderfully filthy, perverted, kinky things I’ve done I’ve learned from a usually very innocent-seeming partner who started out by saying “I’ve always wanted to…” or “I’ve got the most embarrassing fantasy but…”
It’s one of the things I mean when I say I’m demi-sexual. For instance I’m not ordinarily into ass play, or rose petals and satin sheets, or degradation play, or scratchy lace lingerie, or slapping, or… well… all kinds of vanilla, kinky, or downright depraved activities. But! But if it makes you wet and shivery? I might surprise myself even more than I surprise you!
It’s not that I don’t have firm limits and fixed boundaries. Or that I don’t have my own kinks. And I’ll very cheerfully help you explore those with me too.
But one of the things I enjoy most about being a soft D/Lg Daddy is alllll the wonderfully naughty, filthy things I’ve discovered thanks to Little-minded partners who’ve said “can we…”
I’ll certainly pervert you, teapot. But it’s just as likely you’ll pervert me too, isn’t it?
do you ever wake up and just crave intimacy? Like you’d give anything to have woken up with someone’s arms around you and to be able to feel their breath on your neck? Idk i’m lame
@latenightskates might be an IDK on this. But I’m more IKR about it. Not even a little bit lame.
I mean, yeah, there are people out there who never crave intimacy… but there aren’t very many, are there? Even the slave-iest Slaves and the grimmest Doms and the nerdiest rope tops usually still want intimacy.
And meanwhile, it’s hard to imagine being any kind of Daddy who didn’t want to be woken up with someone’s arms around him or who didn’t want to feel their breath on his neck…
Well…
Unless (as the old punchline goes) he thought he was alone in the house. :-)
Don’t know if a Dom would appreciate their Sub taking initiative, let alone waking them up in the middle of the night. But an older, experienced Daddy doesn’t mind waking up for even the smallest emergency, does he, firebug?
