By Thomas Oldenough|
December 1, 2019 |Comments Off on my boyfriend and i were facetiming and i said something like “can’t wear that bc i have man shoulders” n he goes “yea u do hv some man shoulders” and i was like haha thank u! for shitting on my already terrible self-esteem. when all i’ve been doing is relapsing in my eating disorder and body checking constantly and all i can think about is how much i eat. and all i wanna do now is be petty and ignore him. like that just pisses me off. yea it may be true but if you know i hate myself that much???
I want to be hyper careful about answering because ED is serious, ok? Like. If you’re worried you’re falling then stop long enough to check in with your caregiver or sponsor or support people.
Triggering is so tough sometimes. I say this because if someone said “I have man shoulders” I’d probably also say “you do,” but I’d mean it as a total complement! For a lot of guys, me included, nice shoulders on a woman are hot!
Unless “man shoulders” is some kind of fashion or ED euphemism I’m not familiar with. That your boyfriend might not be familiar with either. (If he does, and if he knows you’ve been struggling lately, then it wasn’t very responsible of him.)
But that’s the thing, isn’t it? Triggering happens in the midbrain, at a level before the “rational” coreyex kicks in. So I really want to acknowledge that he said something and you feel really hurt and angry and, especially, not supported. I’m sorry and he probably is too.
Do what you need to do to take care of yourself, ok? But please do things that really take care of yourself.
I’m of the opinion that if your SO thinks it’s ok to talk to you like that you need to move on. Passing insults like that are not ok. You don’t talk shit like that to people you love and care about. If you have something to say that could hurt your SO’s feelings, isn’t it your first nature to word it in a way where they understand the sentiment and can be constructive with it while sparing their feelings and being respectful? I don’t understand how that shit can come out of his mouth to you and he thinks it’s ok. I’m kind of hair triggered on the subject because my first relationship started at my standard of mutual respect and 4 years in this guy had gotten comfortable enough to call me fat bitch/cunt etc regularly, and I felt like I wasn’t tolerating it and setting boundaries because I never used that kind of language at him and I would tell him it wasn’t ok. I stopped tolerating it when I dumped his fucking ass.
Just want to be clear that if having ”man shoulders” is some kind of intentional euphemism or insult that I’ve never heard of yeah, taking care of yourself includes moving on.
By Thomas Oldenough|
December 1, 2019 |Comments Off on Hi! (I love your blog💕) Do you have a partner? Or are you the Daddy of many kittens without commitment?? Just wondering :) I feel like you would be great as a husband idk why lol
Thanks for your kind words. I seem to have been a very good father, but I’m afraid I’m a much better Daddy than I was or would be a husband. What makes me attractive in small doses drives most people crazy in large doses. As someone once said, “goddam, your girlfriend could you replace you with a vibrator, a hot water bottle, and an encyclopedia!” 😂
Sigh. Sometimes I think they were right. Well except for forehead kisses. I’m very good at forehead kisses. And nose boops. And kissing on the couch. I’m pretty good at those things.
By Thomas Oldenough|
December 1, 2019 |Comments Off on my boyfriend and i were facetiming and i said something like “can’t wear that bc i have man shoulders” n he goes “yea u do hv some man shoulders” and i was like haha thank u! for shitting on my already terrible self-esteem. when all i’ve been doing is relapsing in my eating disorder and body checking constantly and all i can think about is how much i eat. and all i wanna do now is be petty and ignore him. like that just pisses me off. yea it may be true but if you know i hate myself that much???
I want to be hyper careful about answering because ED is serious, ok? Like. If you’re worried you’re falling then stop long enough to check in with your caregiver or sponsor or support people.
Triggering is so tough sometimes. I say this because if someone said “I have man shoulders” I’d probably also say “you do,” but I’d mean it as a total complement! For a lot of guys, me included, nice shoulders on a woman are hot!
Unless “man shoulders” is some kind of fashion or ED euphemism I’m not familiar with. That your boyfriend might not be familiar with either. (If he does, and if he knows you’ve been struggling lately, then it wasn’t very responsible of him.)
But that’s the thing, isn’t it? Triggering happens in the midbrain, at a level before the “rational” coreyex kicks in. So I really want to acknowledge that he said something and you feel really hurt and angry and, especially, not supported. I’m sorry and he probably is too.
Do what you need to do to take care of yourself, ok? But please do things that really take care of yourself.
When doms grab you by the jaw and smoosh your cheeks in a little then trace their thumb across your bottom lip. Mhm.
I… like to do that! Little bit cruel but always tempered with a little reassuring sweetness. So you feel like you’re on an adventure and not an ordeal.
u ever get jealous over something u have no right to be jealous over so u just sit there like… ok
Ahahaha! Oh boy, does anybody not?
It’s the best worst feeling in the world?
Even poly people get jealous when they know they don’t need to be. It’s one of the ways feelings give zero fucks about thoughts! So we sit there going “this is sooo dumb…” while eating our livers till our shoes don’t fit on our feet!
The good news is that if we can’t prevent feelings like jealousy we can’t reason with them like grownups but we can acknowledge them then distract them like little kids.
Instead of telling ourselves we shouldn’t feel jealous (Ahahah, like that ever works!) we can say “yes, I feel really bad that my bestie has a new sweetie and won’t come over. If they did i could give them a big hug and we could play that game we talked about so much. But they do have a new sweetie, don’t they? So we’ll have to with a little and they’ll come play that game with us. So let’s call [Pat] and see if they want to do something.”
Acknowledge, sympathize, speak to the loss, accept it, *then* try moving on to plan B. Feelings won’t really go away till you admit and accept them.
Note: sometimes you’ll have to rinse and repeat. But it gets better each time.
By Thomas Oldenough|
December 1, 2019 |Comments Off on how come no one wants to be my daddy? Will you be my daddy?
Sometimes it can seem like nobody wants us, can’t it? And sometimes we can blame it on our particular kinks or orientations, professions or income, health or heritage, age or experiences.
It’s hard enough for vanilla people to find a perfect match, even though most other people are vanilla too. There are just so many conditions that affect compatibility, aren’t there? And so it’s even harder when on top of basic compatibility you need to find someone whose kink is compatible with yours as well.
But sooner or later we all find someone. Like most people though you’ll likely find the Daddy you’ve been looking for. Most likely when you least expect it.
4. Using editing applications, perform the following edits: adjust brightness +33%, adjust exposure -25%, warmth -10%, increase sharpness 50%, use focus and vignettes to highlight, give it a Durango filter at 20%, and export.
5. Locate the pic in your photo album
6. Hit the trash 🗑 icon. There is no such thing as the ultimate dick pick, or even a good one. Did you really think there was?
7. Find something else to take a picture of and share.
JD
… unless they asked to see it, obviously. But do remember that even then it’s not a “dick pic” it’s a solicited request. Big difference.
