One or the reasons I love being a D/Lg Daddy is because nobody ever says âisnât that a little too vanilla?â Daddies love taking care of their Littles, not just spanking them.
Nope. Real men never use the phrase âreal men.â Itâs like how smart people donât have to say theyâre smart.
AHAHAHAH!!!!  âRealâ men! AHAHAHAH!!!!
Yeah, âreal manâ = âslavishly cut away all the parts other âreal menâ cut away.â Â
My favorite story about masculinity, from an old pre-toxic-masculinity (and also pre-animal-rights) menâs author. Â
So a Spanish matador had had a spectacular victory in the bull ring. Afterwards all his friends and fellow matadors joined him at his place for a night of drinking and dining.
After the dinner the great matador put on an apron and started washing dishes.  âOh Matador, his friend said, do you think washing dishes is masculine?â
The great matador threw up his hands and roared âEVERYTHINGÂ I do is masculine!â
And you want to know something? Goddamn right!
If youâre a man, however you choose to define âman,â then by definition everything you do is âmasculine.â
The whole âreal manâ business is strictly about anxiety, conformity, timidity, insecurity. Â
Whether you wrestle women and fuck bears or skip to work carrying a purse, if youâre a man youâre a real man, period, full stop.
Me? I know where your clitoris is. I care if youâre a PhD or CEO because good for you! Fun, flirtatious, fit, and friendly? Great! Everybody should be those things, not just women. And… wait a second… âchaste?â What does that have to do with anything?!?!? Because, yeah, âreal menâ donât want you to want to have sex with us either, I guess… which I suppose makes them either gay men, asexual men, or incels – all of which are, you know, still men.
Fucking gender is such an idiotic social construct!
Yeah, Tinder hookups and 6:00 AM âwalks of shameâ are all well and good (well, except for the shame part!) But till youâve spent the morning making and drinking coffee together while getting to know each other a little better? Thatâs paradise!
Doesnât matter if itâs a random hookup, a casual fling, and old flame, or your life companion of many years, thereâs always something new to learn about each other over coffee.
As for that âwalk of shame?â Seriously. Whatâs to be ashamed of? You got drunk and rubbed your pee-pees together?  Big deal! That makes you different from roughly 4/5th of the rest of humanity exactly how?
But sharing coffee together this morning? Or just tea or orange juice, or just cuddles this morning? That right there is paradise.
Hi! Itâs not a dumb question. Forgive my English (as a first language) for not understanding part of it though. Feel free to send me a private/direct message if youâd like to clarify. Â
Since youâre shy and might be self-conscious about messaging me directly Iâm going to try to repeat your question though, and then answer it as best I can. Would that be ok?
It sounds like youâre saying youâre really needy, and that your husband loves it, but youâre also so shy you could pass out in front of a crowd. Ordinarily those two things might seem fine but youâre concerned they donât go together.
1) This is only a guess, remember, but could you be saying that even though youâre really shy your husband likes to tease you till you beg him to do things for you? Perhaps in a way that goes against your sense of being a âgood girl?â If so then thatâs a pretty common thing for dominant and sadistic partners to do. Whatâs important is whether you like it too. Â
If you do like it or donât mind it then great – good girls, and shy girls, can be *very* needy when theyâre aroused without it saying anything about what kind of person they are when theyâre not aroused. Weâre often very different people when we are and arenât aroused and thereâs nothing wrong with that.
If you donât like it then itâs ok to tell your husband that while you love him and want to have sex with him you donât consent to him teasing you that way. (Do you think you could do that?)
2) Another guess could be that even though youâre really shy could it be that when youâre aroused you get really vocal and take actions that seem unlike your regular not-aroused self?
If thatâs true, and if your husband enjoys that youâre that way too, then as I said above thereâs nothing wrong with that at ail. Once again, who we are when weâre aroused can be very different from who we are in day-to-day life. Youâre just as good a person, a wife, a family member, a member of society no matter how ânaughtyâ you are during sex. Â
I still feel like I may have misinterpreted you. And depending on your English skills I hope my sentences havenât been too complicated. So Iâll repeat my invitation to message me to clarify.
Finally, since youâre shy I want you to know that I believe private messages are private – I wonât ever willingly share something anyone says in a private message. So I wonât tease you, reveal you, or reveal anything you say without your permission. If youâre still not comfortable itâs ok to leave another Ask like this one, even though itâll be harder to have a back-and-forth conversation.
Again, not a dumb question at all. And unless Iâm really mistaken youâre talking about a feeling that lots of people have. And worry about even though they donât need to.
Thatâs not a silly question at all! Questions like that sometimes mean a lot, donât they, because there are often two or mor equally ârightâ answers.
I canât answer it for you but maybe we can talk about some of the possibilities. I know youâre not the only one who wonders the same thing so thank you for asking.
On the one hand the things we keep to ourselves are often pretty private. Even if it wouldnât worry or upset the ones who care most about us.
On the other hand itâs kind of surprising how often out loved ones already know. And are more respecting your privacy than being oblivious.
Itâs also the case that we tend to internalize criticism way more than our peers or loved ones will, with the result that weâll project way more judgment on them than theyâd actually have if you came out.
But sometimes we really will burn bridges if we come out. Thatâs why youâre the one who needs to make that choice. And why Iâm not going to say yes or no.
If itâs ok Iâbe got a question you can answer to yourself: how bad do you feel about not outing yourself? Because if itâs really eating you up not to then it might be a good idea to decide which would stress you out more – you staying quiet bs the reaction you might get.
Itâs a good question, not a silly one. Youâre the only one who can answer. But you may find youâve got a lot of support.
WTF with people thinking random gay people need to try switching orientations just to âmake sure?â When, yeah, most of the folks who say it wouldnât want to try it.
Look. There are almost always plenty of people whoâd want to have sex with you if youâd just give them a chance. If you donât think so youâre probably just not paying attention.
So why go out of your way for someone who clearly doesnât want to?
Iâm not going to knock those with an orgasm-denial kink. I get the vague impression itâs sort of like leaving ice cream in the freezer because youâll enjoy the anticipation. But Iâm never going to understand it either because for me not giving a partner orgasms feels about like not playing my guitar. I wouldnât know what to do with my hands!Â
Iâd rather have you say âplease, no more!â đ
Sigh. Nothing really wrong with industrial porn. But it really was nice to see how people sexually expressed themselves. Somehow, a year later, the industrial porn is common as ever. Only actual peopleâs sexual self expression seems to have been censored.
Take cute nudes for YOURSELF!!! âșïžđđđ
This! Itâs got to make you happy. Turn you on. Satisfy your curiosity. Pleases or maybe just amuses you if it turns anyone else on to see them.
Nor, just because you take them do you need to send them! If you take them for yourself you may never need to show them to anyone else!
This isnât true for everyone. No one else gets to decide whether or not itâs fun for you.
I will say one thing based on first, second, and third-hand experience though: you have no idea what you truly look like till you see yourself through anotherâs eyes.
Again you donât have to show someone else. It can be enough look at yourself as if through anotherâs eyes.
So if you donât think Submission is its own, independent, autonomous, and equal kink and is instead all about your masterly/mistressly domly self then try the following thought experiment: how long would they stay with you if you stopped topping them?
If theyâre only Submissive because youâre Dominant the correct answer will be âforever, of course, because Iâm so awesome theyâre magically magnetized to me!â If theyâre Submissive because Submission is its own craving though… its own kink…
Well…
The correct answer might be something else, hmm?
This is just one of the reasons why I capitalize the S in Submissive as well as the D in Dom.
